3 Things to Reset Instead of “Trying Harder”

Supporting Kids With Strategy, Not Shame

It’s February. The holidays are over, routines are rocky, and school feels harder than ever.

Parents often enter the new year determined to help their child “get back on track.” But too often, that goal turns into pressure:
Try harder. Focus more. Be better.

And when kids continue to struggle, it feels like everyone is failing.

But at JAM, we don’t believe in pushing for “more effort” without strategy. Because executive functioning, regulation, and learning challenges aren’t solved by willpower—they’re supported through structure, relationship, and tools.

Here are 3 things to reset instead of telling your child to just “try harder.”

1. Reset the Environment

If your child struggles to start tasks, complete work, or stay focused, look around before looking at behavior.

• Is their workspace cluttered or overstimulating?
  
  
• Are distractions like phones or siblings in the way?
  
  
• Do they have what they need—supplies, lighting, a chair that fits?
  
  

Small environmental shifts can change the whole tone of a task. Try offering two workspace options and letting your child choose.

2. Reset the Language

The words we use matter. “Why didn’t you just do it?” or “You know better” sends a message of shame, even when said with love.

Instead, try:

• “What part felt hardest to start?”
  
  
• “Let’s look at where you got stuck.”
  
  
• “We can figure this out together.”
  
  

This shift builds safety. And safety is what opens the door to real effort.

3. Reset the Expectations

Kids who struggle with executive functioning or emotional regulation need scaffolded expectations, not lower ones.

That might mean:

• Breaking a worksheet into halves and taking a body break in between
  
  
• Using a checklist to get through the morning routine
  
  
• Doing the first problem together before trying the rest alone
  
  

These aren’t “crutches”—they’re developmentally aligned supports that build true independence over time.

The Real Reset? It Starts With Us.

One family we work with kept saying, “We just want her to care.” But once we shifted the focus from compliance to connection—and added consistent tools at home and school—their daughter stopped shutting down. She started showing up.

The shift didn’t come from harder consequences or tighter rules. It came from resetting the lens.

So this February, let’s stop telling our kids to just “try harder.” Let’s help them try smarter—with the tools, support, and compassion they actually need.

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